Full disclosure: 7 ugly images from my garden

When I shoot and edit pictures, I’m painfully aware that I’m focusing on the good. Now it’s time to share the bad and the ugly. (This craziness was inspired by Elizabeth’s post over at GardenRant coming clean on her garden’s shortcomings in preparation for visitors coming to the Buffalo Garden Walk. But, at the risk of sounding boastful, my garden sucks more than hers.)

grass clippings

This was a nice little patch of sweet woodruff. But it got overrun by buttercups. Plus the deer found the hosta in the rear. I’ve got half a dozen spots around the yard where I’ve thrown in the towel — ripping everything out (rescuing a few plants that were hanging in) and piling on the grass clippings. I hit some spots with the lawn mower first, they were that bad. This fall or next spring, I’ll weed out anything obnoxious that survives and plant something more competitive.

bummer coleus

Every year, I get a couple of nice coleus as a thank you for doing floral set-ups for Cornell’s graduation. Every year, I put them in a big basket in front of an ugly, foil-coated wooden box that houses potting supplies. Every year, the coleus stalls out in August. I cut it back hard and it bounces back goes until frost. This year, ‘Fish Stockings’ stalled in early July and despite my best efforts, continues to look like crap. I moved the two pots to the cold frame and hope that it may yet rebound.

slugs on darmera

Slugs. And snails. ‘Nuf said. Actually, they haven’t been as bad as usual this year.

west bed, yuk

The west bed. Oy. It gets a little direct sun in the middle of the day. (House to the east. Norway spruce to the west.) Soil’s not good. Care is neglectful, at best. The ‘Cuisse de Nymphe’ roses there threatened to take over a couple years ago. So I sat back and relaxed. This year, they barely came back. Lotsa good plants in there. But unless the roses come back with a vengence, this bed is due for some serious renovation.

water garden

Oh my. I love the water garden. And the fish are healthy and give me no end of pleasure. But the liner has developed a serious bubble. One pot of water lilies has tipped. The other lily’s roots have detached from the soil in the pot. The cannas that I usually have in the background bed failed. (Three buckets of seemingly sound roots and only three plants came up. Dahlias and elephants ears from the same buckets did fine. Go figure.) Compare this with my banner image from a couple years ago.

golden raintree Critters. Can’t live with them. Can’t serve them for supper. The rabbits that graze the clover in the lawn also like the redbuds (below) I transplanted out of the veggie garden this spring in their salad mix. And my experiment to see if deer like golden raintree (Koelreuteria paniculata, right) have some pretty definitive results. Oh well.

Great gardens look good everywhere all the time. I don’t think I have the patience or skill to ever get to that point. But I’m always fascinated and thrilled when something turns out great and I can always use my camera or selective vision to focus on that. The other stuff? Maybe next year.

redbud

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Brawndo’s got what plants crave

idiocracyThe dialog below is from the 2006 movie, Idiocracy. But to really appreciate it, you should listen to this mp3.

The premise of the movie: Average guy (Joe) in hibernation experiment wakes up 500 years later to find out American intelligence has been dumbed down — literally transported to the shallow end of the gene pool fueled by generations of advertising and marketing.

The problem with this dystopian fantasy is that it’s too close to the truth: The number-one TV show is ‘Ow, My Balls,’ the Secretary of State is brought to you by Carl’s Jr., and the smart lawyer got into Costco’s law school because his dad pulled some strings.

The world’s food supply is also in trouble because farmers put Brawndo — a kind of sports-beverage for plants — on their crops instead of water. Joe tries to talk them out of it:

Joe: “For the last time, I’m pretty sure what’s killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff.”
Secretary of State: “But Brawndo’s got what plants crave. It’s got electrolytes.”
Attorney General (Sara Rue): “So wait a minute. What you’re saying is that you want us to put water on the crops.”
Joe: “Yes.”
Attorney General: “Water. Like out the toilet?”
Joe: “Well, I mean, it doesn’t have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that’s the idea.”
Secretary of State: “But Brawndo’s got what plants crave.”
Attorney General: “It’s got electrolytes.”
Joe: “Okay, look. The plants aren’t growing, so I’m pretty sure that the Brawndo’s not working. Now, I’m no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow.”
Secretary of Energy (Brendan Hill): “Well, I’ve never seen no plants grow out of no toilet.”
Secretary of State: “Hey, that’s good. You sure you ain’t the smartest guy in the world?”
Joe: “Okay, look. You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. So why don’t we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave?”
Attorney General: “Brawndo’s got what plants crave.”
Secretary of Energy: “Yeah, it’s got electrolytes.”
Joe: “What are electrolytes? Do you even know?”
Secretary of State: “It’s what they use to make Brawndo.”
Joe: “Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo?”
Secretary of Defense: “‘Cause Brawndo’s got electrolytes.”

Just a word to the wise.

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Wine tastings gone wild

Doug Kuntz for The New York TimesOh Oh no. Long Island’s North Fork wineries are finding winos and oenophiles don’t mix, according to the NY Times.

inebriated group at the Palmer Vineyards here who hopped off a hayride and began gallivanting naked through the vines. Then there were the drunken customers at the Pugliese Vineyards in Cutchogue who jumped into the shimmering lake next to the elegant outdoor tasting area. And the bachelorette parties that often culminate in tabletop dances, to the horror of nearby oenophiles sniffing or sipping the local chardonnays.

Apparently they’re a problem here in the Finger Lakes, too, spurring the formation of “… the Safe Group Wine Tours Initiative. The program issues warnings to groups that are considered out of control and will bar repeat offenders.”

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Sloggers: A-OK

Hank’s recent gushing Slogger Report reminded me that I haven’t come clean on my promise to review the free pair I received as a consequence of being one of the most verbose commenter over at GardenRant.

Best feature: Rugged construction should last forever.

Biggest drawback: I had to drill my own drainage holes. And they didn’t come with any hanging hardware.

They’re really A-OK. It’s just that I have a high arch and sweaty feet and the combination of not being able to feel my toes in a puddle of sweat convince me to return to my favorite garden footwear.

Seriously, they’re a fine product. I’ll just have to go back to the Slogger website and see if I can find a style that fits my foot better than the ones I ordered.

sloggers planted
‘Jaggies’ in the image courtesy of PaintShopPro.

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